Sunday, December 23, 2012

Feeling Contemplative

Tonight all the annoying, frustrating and depressing things in my life that I have no control over are bugging me.  I'm just feeling a little down, and when I feel kind of down everything rushes in at once and reminds me of all the stupid things that I generally don't bother thinking about.  People I'm not talking too anymore, things I have screwed up in the past, apartments that won't sell, general screweduppedness of the world in general.  Stuff like that.

Sure, I could call disappointing friends.....again.  With very little chance of being undisappointed.  Or I could list my apartment for so cheap it would definitely sell.  At a loss.  And I am definitely not ambitious or creative enough to fix the world in any way that doesn't involve picking one issue to throw money at.

Sometimes ignoring these things is really the best option.  I feel like these things are out of my control, even if there are things I COULD be doing about them.  It is just that what I could do is significantly more effort for little to no promise that it would actually make things better. Short of dragging other people kicking and screaming into my life to do what I want them too, or compromising my own self respect, I have no control. And who has the time or emotional fortitude for that?

This is where the overused phrase "Things happen (or in some cases, don't) for a reason" comes into play.  I know it is a mainly empty platitude, but I do like to believe that someone not me has a plan, or at least a better sense of timing than I do, and is making sure we don't get too far ahead of ourselves, or stuck in an unfortunate situation.

Some relationships aren't good for us in the long run, and maybe the house we want isn't available yet. And those past screw ups led me here, to this place, with these people and this life that I love so much.  Those might be the reasons for everything going the way it has.  I hope so.  And I will choose to believe so.  I've done all I can about these things without going crazy so I'm just going to cross my fingers, be thankful for the innumerable things and people in my life that I have and love, and wait for things to change.

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